I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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