it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
