I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
