yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
