grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
