sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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