Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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