I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
