Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
