How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My hand turned me down
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
