Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
