shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
