Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
