Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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