He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
