I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
