You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
