Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
