she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
