Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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