My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
