He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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