i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
