Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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