OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
