This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
