he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
