did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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