did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
