from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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