Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
