Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
