stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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