I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
