when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
