i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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