My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
