My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no you cant smoke seaweed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
