i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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