Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
