She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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