You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
