this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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