She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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