Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
