I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
