We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
