My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
