Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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