i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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