The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
